Introduction:

Jesus is teaching the most powerful assertiveness tool known to this day.  The cave man only knew fight or flight when presented with stress.  The modern human is also hard wired neurologically for fight or flight.  With three short action words, Jesus is introducing a way that requires thought rather than automatic reaction.  It is a “way” that is bold and requires courage.  At the same time it is respectful of your friend or enemy and does not injure them.

(The religious will protest that these quotes are referring to prayer to God.  I hope the religious will continue to see these quotes in that way, but to consider adding the highly practical and effective use of “seek, ask and knock” in their everyday lives.)

 

The Sayings of Jesus:

Ask, Seek, Knock

Matthew 7: 7-10

7 Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.

8 For the person who asks receives, the person who searches finds, and to the door will be opened to the person who knocks.

9 Who among you, when their child asks them for bread, will give them a stone, 10 or when they ask for a fish, will give them a snake?

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

Luke 18: 2-5

2 “There was,” he said, “in a certain town a judge, who had no fear of God nor regard for people.

3 In the same town there was a widow who went to him again and again, and said ‘Grant me justice against my opponent.’

4 For a time the judge refused, but afterward he said to himself ‘Although I am without fear of God or regard for people, 5 yet, as this widow is so troublesome, I will grant her justice, to stop her from plaguing me with her endless visits.’”

 

Parable of the Friend at Midnight

Luke 11: 5-8

5 Jesus also said to them: “Suppose that one of you who has a friend were to go to him in the middle of the night and say ‘Friend, lend me three loaves, 6 for a friend of mine has arrived at my house after a journey, and I have nothing to offer him;’

7 And suppose that the other should answer from inside ‘Do not trouble me; the door is already fastened, and my children and I are in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything’;

8 I tell you that, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is a friend, yet because of his persistence he will rouse himself and give him what he wants.

 

 

Stories and Commentary:

I had always seen the “ask..seek..knock..” quote of Jesus in a religious sense of seeking God.  Then while reading the book “The Places in Between” by Rory Stewart, I suddenly recognized that the author was “seeking, knocking and asking” his way across Afghanistan with no vehicle and little money.  Over and over “seeking, knocking and asking” was getting him successfully through what seemed like insurmountable hurdles.

The modern book used often in assertiveness training courses is called “When I Say No I Feel Guilty” by Manuel J. Smith.  A technique taught in this book is called ”broken record”.   Asking over and over again is the most effective technique for getting what you want.  Jesus taught this simple method in the parable of the persistent widow.

I had also rejected this practical use or interpretation of the “seek, ask , knock” sayings of Jesus for a long time because it seemed too mundane, too everyday, too simple. I have come to realize that “seek, ask, knock” is simple and everyday, but it is immensely powerful, it is non-violent, and it makes life easier.